Parental Controls. We all know what they are, and we all know what they're for. And as technology advances, there are more options available for parents to use. From knowing what sites our kids surf on the net, to even knowing their exact location, if enabled, by your cell phone.
Has parental control gone too far, or in this day and age is it more important to have it then it ever has been before? If you are a parent of an older child, do you use parental control? To what extent? Do you parents of younger children plan on using it? Is there ever a point that it has gone too far, stifled creativity, or broken privacy?
What are your thoughts on parental control?
8 comments:
I think that the tech aspect of parental control has gone beyond it's usefulness.
My kids don't have cell phones. And never will until they can enter into their own contracts. I was a kid once, as we all were. And I got along just fine without a cell phone. But, my parents KNEW where I was because that was their job. I think that the tech has taken the place of parental responsibility. It's easy to let your kids run, now, because there's an electronic device to keep track of them. It also stunts the child's learning of the concept of responsibility as well. And, GPS in the cell phone doesn't help.
Parental controls on the internet are another way that the role of the parent has been eroded. Now we can let our kids use the internet without supervision, or allow them to have computers in their rooms because we are no longer responsible for what they see. That's all done electronically. Now, we can sit back on the couch and watch American Idol(which I can't stand but that's another rant).
Privacy. That word provokes a certain rant response in me when used in conjunction with anything involving kids. Privacy is for adults. Kids' privacy comes in small doses, but in my opinion, to believe that you kids have any privacy in your home beyond having the door closed when they're dressing is an error.
My kids have no privacy, here. Beyond the door issues. I can, and will, listen to their phone conversations, read their emails, go through their rooms. And I do all of this. They know that. And they respect it. I'm responsible for the trouble they get into, and for how they turn out as adults and for what they bring to society. And I'll do my part to make sure that they realize what is and is not appropriate, by heading it off at the pass and supervising them as is appropriate for their ages.
And, I have a fabulous, close relationship with my kids as a result.
I think I want to do with my kids what my parents did with me... they were always there to support me, they asked enough questions to know that I was safe and making good decisions, but they gave me enough space to become independent and not feel smothered. They never read my e-mails, text messages, journals. They trusted me, and for good reason. I was a good girl :) That is not to say that if I had reason for concern with my kids, I wouldn't step in and start hovering.
I use parental controls around my house. My TV is parental controlled, my computer is parental controlled...and even reading material is age/material subjective.
I control what I can in their environment, for what I feel is the sake of their innocent minds, but try to do so without controlling them.
I had the opportunity to put my ideals to use when my nephew was here, I think it worked out really well...and will implement the same ideals when he returns.
I never went through his personal business on my own accord, but apparently at home mom went through their stuff without question all the time. I did check the history on the computer to find out what he did and confronted him when he went to inappropriate sites..and discussed it, like reasonable people. When his mother questioned what he was doing on MySpace, I sat down with him, asked him to enter his password and told him to sit down while we went through these things....together.
I asked him to delete profiles I found inappropriate and asked him to show me his emails to prove he was telling the truth. And on top of that, I didn't find this "incriminating evidence" that his mother insisted I'd find if I snooped.
And I felt completely uncomfortable doing so. His private conversations were not my business...and frankly shouldn't have been his mothers.
I can tell you, the only things she ever found out from snooping were things we all already knew he was doing...we just didn't need the graphic details.
I can also tell you that he and his teen sister (as well as my 3 other teenage nieces and nephews) HATE that their mother invades their privacy on a regular basis. There is no trust and so they have no reason to behave as far as they're concerned...she already doesn't trust them or believe them. And lord knows, I've found that if you just *listen*, really listen, to them you will know a great deal of what's going on in their lives.
My nephew even gave me his passwords while he's gone and I haven't gone through anything, even though I have every means to.
As for cell phone tracking, ALL FOR IT! A few years back a young girl came down to Richmond to start college. She was strangled by a man and her body was left in the woods for weeks. Her cell phone rang for days until the battery died. Had they had a GPS tracker in that phone they would have found that poor girls body week's earlier.
I think that parental tools are a great technology, when used as parenting tools not parenting weapons. Teach children to make good decisions, and teach them why they should, and they'll make good choices.
I feel that parental controls are a good thing, to an extent. Parental control on a cell phone is a good thing because in the case of missing teens,something like that may mean all the difference. As far as the internet,I as a parent will not have the time to
stand over my children while they are on the computer. Say for
instance a teeange boy is supposed to be working on his report. He knows his mom is downstairs, so what's wrong with peeking at a playboy site, or a naked girl? Are all teenage boys going to do this? Absolutely not. But is
curiousity in the opposite sex part of puberty? Absolutely. So I will use computer parental controls.Not because I don't want to watch my kids,but because temptation lurks at every corner, and if I can stop it before it starts, why not do it? Thechology will never take my place when it comes to having a talk about right versus wrong, and about what are acceptable things to do on the
computer or watch on TV, they are simply a back up if my efforts
have not succeeded.
I speak from experience on this topic,which is part of the reason I wrote it. I feel like for the most part, people grow up to raise their children exactly as they were raised, or completely opposite. Myself, I will raise my
children completely opposite. Why? Because my parents snooped.
They went through my things. They read my journal. My whole
world was exposed, my thoughts, my feelings. The teen years are
awkward. They are uncomfortable, they are sometimes downright
miserable. And for the most part, the people that you can
identify with the LEAST during your teen years, are your
parents. This is not the case for everyone, but for most.
Knowing that my parents went through my things, let me know that
they didn't trust me. And so in a sense, I rebelled. I did what
I want. I did drugs. I drank at a young age. I has sex at a
young age. And my father AND grandfather are both preachers, so
I was most certainly raised in a straight house and taught right
from wrong. Speaking purely from experience, I think that when a
child or teen knows that you are constantly listening to them
and reading their things, they feel a lack of trust. That's how I
felt in my case. My parents didn't trust me (and this was before
I was ever in trouble to begin with), and so I didn't feel the
need to do the right thing, when it seemed as though I was
already being pegged to do the wrong thing.
I plan on using
parental controls in my house- but that alone will not parent my
kids. I will use it on the computer because even the slightest
misspelling of a word or address can lead to terrible places
(Duck, for example. What's right beside the "U" on the keyboard?
One missplleing is all it takes). I will use it on my tv because
HBO is channel 2 here, and I don't want my child flipping
through the channels and seeing something she shouldn't see. And
when my kids have a cell phone, I will enable GPS because God
forbid anything ever happen to one of my children, but I would
want to know where they are and find them. Beyond that, I think
that as parents we do what we feel is necessary. I don't
disrespect anyone else's parenting styles because it's what
makes us all different. I know that my parents method of raising
me backfired, and I was really in trouble doing really bad
things for quite some time before I snapped out of it. I don't
want that for my kids, so when the times are right, we will talk
to them about appropriate behavior and what we expect from them,
and go from there. They are trusted until they are proven not to be.
I had to do two comments, apparently I talk too much LOL
I will allow privacy to a certain extent for many reasons. I
feel like if they don't think they have privacy at home, then
they are going to seek it elsewhere. They are going to be that
much more eager to get out ot the house when they are finished
with school. And when they do get out on their own, the
adjustment period may be harsh, if they are used to always
having someone right there with them.
Thank you ladies, great responses! Thank you for answering and being respectful! :)
I think you've all made valid points.
This isn't really something I've given much thought to yet, as my kids are really small...but I can see where some of the parental control features could be useful.
I am all for parental controls to an extent - our cable box has them - our computers have them and our cell phones have them - we have ATT for our cell service and we have the tracking system on all 4 phones - at anytime wayne or i can get online and find out where the kids are or rather where their phone is...but i always know....if i need to or if they have missed curfew - I do check phone records but not text messages - until one of them gives me reason to - i have that option but no need to use it at the moment - I once had a mother tell me (she was the mother of a boy dating my daughter) that having access to Kadie's private things - text email phone were a violation of her privacy - WRONG - at that time i had every reason to be concerned and I utilized every thing available to me to find the truth...and i did - and the mother did not like it one bit - Until my children leave my house - and pay their own bills in their own house - there is no "privacy" - if i thnk they are harming themselves or others - or doing something questionable - i will snoop into everything I need to find out what i need to know to protect my children...
Kelly I love the cell phone tracker! Our kids WILL have it. I agree snoop if I need to, I will read text and diaries if I feel like there is a good reason.
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